It’s been a long time since I deleted (not deactivated) my Facebook account. Since you all are so addicted to it that you won’t even think of deleting your account, I thought you might wanted to know what happens if you do delete it. No? Anyway, I am still going to tell you.

Keep in mind that these are my experiences and mine only. Yours might be different. If you want references and sources, then you should not read this. If you are not Wikipedia, continue.

 

You Get Spam

Ya...Yes...My Lord!

As you should know, Zynga is evil, pure evil. A friend once asked me to play Texas Hold ‘Em Poker with him, and sent the link. There were lots of advertisements and announcements on the app page. All had small close buttons on top right, except one. And that was about subscribing to Zynga e-mail updates. I tried reloading, quitting and reloading, and swearing; but that message remained there and at last I gave in and clicked subscribe. (“You are welcome, zynga!”)

I never paid attention to Zynga e-mail, but after deleting my account I thought I should get rid of Zynga as well. And as it turned out, I couldn’t unsubscribe – because unsubscribing on the Zynga site requires logging in first with Facebook Connect. So – achievement unlocked – Spam for Life.

And as you cannot use Facebook Connect…

 

You Do Not Belong Here

Facebook ranks second on alexa ratings. And that’s not only because mankind has devolved into narcissist human-looking species; and not just because Facebook is a safe haven for stalkers, identity thieves and douchebags; it’s also because websites are fading away into Facebook pages. There used to be a time when people used to go to their favourite musicians’ sites – now you have Facebook pages. You have pages for celebrities, pages for organisations, for important people, for educational institutions and for teaching how to poop.

"If he's not on facebook, then make no mistake - he's Narnian" - Barack Obama

In Narnia (where I am from), gigantic businesses don’t update their websites as often as they update their Facebook pages. Several times I have come across information on their Facebook pages which I cannot find on their sites. Computer giants like HP and Dell don’t have Narnian version of websites but they do have HP Narnia and Dell Narnia Facebook pages. That is probably because Narnians don’t shop online and a lot of Narnians aren’t in the habit of researching stuff before they buy it. Every time I see an ad in magazines, I see “follow us on Facebook” but very rarely do I see website addresses. It is all very frustrating for someone without a Facebook account.

And the worst part is, your friends rely so fucking much on Facebook that you are compelled to have a Facebook account. I have friends who sent messages like “Call me” and “Meet me tomorrow at eight” on Facebook.

Facebook is not just social networking; it is also a video hosting site, a picture hosting site, a messenger and an e-mail client. Soon, we might see Gmail and Windows Live E-mail fade to nothing. Why go to other sites if you have an all-in-one package? If Facebook starts letting people buy and sell goods too – you would see ebay, amazon and business sites’ death. And the rest of the world will be same as Narnia, all because of the shitty all-in-one package. Mankind loves all-in-one packages, even if they are shitty – proven by its usage of smartphones aka tons of shitty things in one device.

But let’s assume you are persistent and you always use sites other than Facebook if you can. But what if other sites do not want you to break-up with Facebook…

 

For Best Results, Use with Facebook

I was looking at the definition of a word at Merriam-Webster’s site, and I spotted an inaccuracy in their definition. I know I am not a language professor but it was related to Narnia, so I know. I decided to leave a comment but I could only comment using Facebook, Yahoo, AOL or Hotmail. Yahoo sucks, AOL is 1990’s, and Hotmail didn’t seem to work.

Same is the case with many other websites. To comment, you either have to make an account on that site or comment using Facebook Connect; and sometimes Twitter Connect too, which is only available like a Black Friday Special Deal. Most websites have that F button. F does not mean “Fuck Us” – if it did I would have kept clicking that F button on White House’s Site.

Earlier if you were too enthusiastic about some company, celebrity or business; you followed their blog. Now, even if you haven’t used a product or seen any work of an artist, you “Like” them; mainly because you want to show-off to your “friends” and because “Like” is a very loose term.

Now let’s say you don’t care about best results, and you don’t show-off to your friends, and you care more about real life than life on the internet. But the thing is, it won’t be long before realize you have no friends…

 

You Realize You Have No Friends

When you delete your account, you expect your friends to notice. You think they’d notice the deleted comments and your absence from news feed and hit you up. That is not going to happen. It took my friends many weeks to realize I was gone from Facebook. Yours might take even more if they are sane, or much less if you are in a fake bitch-guy relationship and you are so dumb that you keep on commenting (lying) on each other’s photos.

Do not think anybody’s gonna notice. ‘Cause nobody is. And nobody should. It should not make you sad, as it only shows that your friends are sane enough to stay away from ‘social’ networks; but maybe it will. It might even make you so sad that you think you have no friends and nobody to care about you.

Well, nobody except Facebook…

 

Facebook Loves You, Desperately

Facebook tried to not let you go earlier, by making the deletion process extremely difficult and hiding deletion behind the veil of deactivation, and things like “Crazy Horse will miss you”. But now that you have found a way to delete all your personal information from Facebook, and you have confirmed that you do want to delete; Facebook tries to win you back like a desperate lover.

As I am so fucking paranoid that I deleted all my phone numbers from my Facebook account. I once used to have Facebook texts activated; but it had been ages since they were turned off because I did not use texts to view or post updates. They get disabled after a certain inactive time.

A few days after deleting my account, I got this message: “Crazy Horse wants to be your friend on Facebook. Join now or learn more: http://fb.me/cRazzyRANd0m5hit Reply “stop” to stop getting texts from Facebook.” Now the weird thing is, Crazy Horse was already my friend. So, he/she/it may have unfriended me and sent me a request again, but how could I know? Logging on would have reactivated my account. But I do know that I deleted all my phone numbers from my profile as well as turned off Facebook texts.

But Facebook loves me so much that it sent me a text message.

“Yeah. I love you too Facebook! Wanna go out sometime?”

 

 

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Check out a Facebook-account-deleting experience of a mom of her kids. I told you that photo was not mine!

I said you probably couldn’t bear deletion, but for those who are afraid of de-activation screen, here is an article – now free with pictures. Although you should try it yourself and see how manipulative it is. Logging back on would get your account back. Nothing lost.

If you wish to become a Narnian like me, here is the whole account deletion process.

And be sure to comment, subscribe and be friends with us on Facebook. Just kidding!

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